she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
