babies were throwing up all over the place
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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