he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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