Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize