i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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