I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
