the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
