My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
