Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
