I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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