Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
