You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
