You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
