I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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