High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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