I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
