watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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