haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
