Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
