We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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