separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
