Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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