So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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