he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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