hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
