i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
