let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
