i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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