overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
