so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
