we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
