i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
