worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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