The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
