Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
