i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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