he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
