I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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