he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
