How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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