I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
