Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
