He had one of those small greek statue penises
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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