Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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