Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
