doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
