Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
