do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
