I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
