You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
