Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
