You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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