Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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