i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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