A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
