Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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