Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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