She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
