I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
