could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
