I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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