Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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