She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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