hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
