Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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