You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
