Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize