We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A bitchslap is in order.
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