conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
