The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
