There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
