I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
