Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
