He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
