I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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