So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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