break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
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You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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